i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad

But I knew that somewhere in all this, it was my dad. I remember that when I was around two or three my dad used to watch porn in front of me, so I don't know if that has something to do with it. Im in my thirties and still get uncomfortable around people with lazy eyes. Listen to this wellbeing playlist on Spotify today. He's such sad,. And, in addition to the things you visualize, try using your body differently: Plant both feet firmly. I felt worthless, and like I wasn't even a real person. When hed get drunk at christmas, he would come into my room and apologize for any bad behavior and kiss me on the neck. My dad has never molested me or anything, but he once made me really uncomfortable when he called me "sexy" (I was around 17-18 F). But it was let-go-able.) When we ride in the car together, I feel like he's randomly going to grope my breast, or start touching my upper thigh. I think you should call somewhere like the kidshelpphone.ca to get more indepth advice than what you can get here. You are NOT being "too sensitive" your mind is telling you something is wrong, because it is. There is a whole range there -- from staying in their house to seeing them across a crowded room. Edit: I really appreciate all these comments and I hope people who went through the same this saw this and empathise so they know they're not alone. As a leader in digital health publishing for more than 25 years, WebMD strives to maintain the most comprehensive and reliable source of health and medical information on the internet. We went to my room and I wanted to play video games with him, but he kept touching on me, going in my pants. And still, there was no picture. I feel bad for my dad. If it were a fire or a flood that kept you from spending all your time with them this Christmas, they would understand. Whats weird is that none of us ever talk about it with anyone else. This happens to me too, even when my dad do me tickles I just feel so uncomfortable, I'm 20 now and I'm still questioning if something happen to me when I was younger but there a hole in my childhood, but just sharing that you are not alone in this c: 2 Kayboo18 7 mo. Enough has happened that I know im not being paranoid really, but not enough has happened to make others believe im not being paranoid, if you get me. I shut my laptop immediately. If its the latter, you may need to restate your boundaries more firmly. Got That Feeling When yourself? When I was in eighth grade I was battling anorexia and depression, and I cut myself a lot. I've gotten counseling about this on and off for the past 15 years. Associated Press articles: Copyright 2016 The Associated Press. I don't know how to take care of myself and still be compassionate with them. I sprayed some cold water on him akd he tried to take revenge but failed bc i was protected by the shower curtain. 1-800-4-A-CHILD, Please help me out too. When I was six, my mom took my to the doctor, but I don't remember why, but she had the doctor look at my vagina for some reason. The earliest I can remember was I was about 12. Teen Vogue covers the latest in celebrity news, politics, fashion, beauty, wellness, lifestyle, and entertainment. He's had two heart attacks, diabetes, bladder cancer. Or his mother, if she is still alive. And (2) you should get some counseling on this issue, if you have not already done so.Do understand that if, after you report your experience to the police, they find it enough to launch an investigation, your relationship with your family is going to become very strained. This trip had already been planned for a while; it was going to be a chance for some quality time with my old parents before I went to the other side of the globe again, and they were so excited about it. You are not alone. Add comment as: His emotions are confusing and when I was little he had very strict ways of treating us and generally I was rather afraid of him. am I being too sensitive? Im the same. Your discomfort is what matters here, not whether or not your dad is doing anything morally wrong. While it may be too bad that you weren't used to it growing up it's great that you have a chance now to make up for some lost time! Designed by Elegant Themes | Powered by WordPress. 2. No part of this website can be reproduced in any form without prior written consent.All rights reserved var year = new Date();var yyyy = year.getFullYear();document.write(yyyy); RawConfessions.com. So we went ahead with the trip. A constant truth is that I feel unsafe in my dad's presence. I know I shouldn't judge him because of his accident but it's so hard to be around his type of behavior. he just makes me so fucking uncomfortable. i have the same thing happening. My body might disagree that I have no memory. Is that enough, too much, and whats ahead with COVID vaccines? Except maybe a little nervousness. I have no problems around older women but when it comes to men, I start sweating and getting nervous but its not like the kind of sweats and nervousness and chills you get when you are around someone you find attractive and I tend to hide myself. Please help me Gramps.Rachel. In lots of ways, he's had a rough life -- he had a mother who openly admitted not loving him, he had a lonely childhood, and he had a nervous breakdown when he was middle-aged. I am so sorry you are experiencing this right now. Their life is difficult and sad enough. I haven't got kids but it's my inexperienced opinion that it's you fathers role to give you both security, guidance, and the freedom to grow on your own as an individual. If you have any ideas on how to get through this Christmas, how to choose what to do, or any ideas on how to hold this messy thing, I would be so grateful. I always dress in baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants around him because of my weird violated feeling. A MAN. Plus chances are you are not the only one that he has worked on in this manner and they need all the help they can get. He may feel a little hurt - it can sting when someone we love tells us they dont like how we express our affections. She could never relate to me or talk to me. Started Thursday at 10:00 PM, By Read now. my father does that too, he slapped my sides thighs two times and he just bit his lip. You are commenting as a guest. Is he interested or did I misunderstand the situation.. TikTok mom who got 'dumped' while pregnant shares how Tinder date became her fianc. Is it normal for a daughter to feel uncomfortable around her dad? I always feel uncomfortable around my father ever since I was young. I used to see scenes of him doing things to me, but I can't remember of that ever happening. Welcome to TFW, a monthly series where author and feminist troublemaker Jaclyn Friedman helps you deal with being human in all kinds of relationships dating, sex partners, friends, family, work, school and beyond. Im 22 and I have been treated bad by a older guy, but I was experiencing these things before that happened. But live with your mom. What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. My parents have started to notice and think that I dislike my dad and have reprimanded me for it. Reproduction of material from any Salon pages without written permission is strictly prohibited. It just means that some things have come up right now that you have to deal with. Nothing less Talk to a counselor online, anytime. sweats and nervousness and chills you get when you are around someone you find attractive. Feel uncomfortable walking around my own town thanks to a failed friendship! A strange and uncomfortable feeling around my dad and grandpa. Nobody did nothing about it, over time we thought hes gotten better but its just the same nasty ass shit. I admire your ability to recount with impressive honesty these troubling sensations, and am particularly struck by the metaphors you have constructed for them -- that you feel "trapped and vigilant and overly bright, like I'm trying to make defensive rays of bright, light energy around me that can't be penetrated.". I brought my laptop so I could do some writing I needed to do, and so we could all access the Internet if we felt like it. For the first time in my life, my inner compass isn't pointing me anywhere. My dad has a lot of child trauma, and therefore has multiple sides. If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button. Yes, there is a name for it, it's called covert sexual abuse. I don't talk to him on the phone either. Hi, yeah please please seek out counseling. Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. Feeling an urge to cover up or fear when he walks behind? But its not. Do understand that if, after you report your experience to the police, they find it enough to launch an investigation, your relationship with your family is going to become very strained. It is human nature to take sides in matter like this. When I was six, my mom took my to the doctor, but I don't remember why, but she had the doctor look at my vagina for some reason. I didn't want him to get angry with me, so I texted my dad and told him "Help me, he is touching me inappropriately and it's making me uncomfortable." The good news is that you survived. I see him about once every 3-5 years, usually by his choice, not mine. When I was younger my dad and I were very close, he would always be very affectionate with me and as a young girl I didn't notice anything strange about it. Why do some nations trace descent through the father, others through the diff It will take work and faith. same my father makes me feel very uncomfortable..He has slapped my side thighs twice.I recommend talking to a school counselor.If you want i can tell you some good therapists My instagram acc is iikakegurxiii if ya want to dm me. skin crawling experience of learning that it was time for the "sex talk." My Mom, my Dad, and meall alone at the end of our dining room table. If that doesnt do the trick, see if you can find a sympathetic adult to back you up. To me by text. Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. And my dad -- the poor, old, broken being -- when my mom confronted him about this (she had permission from me this time), he denied ever having done anything sexually inappropriate with me or my brother. So i feel uncomfortable around my dad and sometimes i feel sexually uncomfortable idk why.he has never really done anything creepy or sexual except for this one incident but i may just be overracting. Posted Nov 9, 2019 20:10 by anonymous Note that these are actions, not expressions of being. Hes made inappropriate comments. Heres what I recommend: Ask your dad if you can have a little talk. Tell him how youre feeling. (We live in the same city.) I'm not exactly sure what to say. Not undoably, overwhelmingly so. I felt that old warmth between my legs, but something even more, something almost palpable, like the ghost of something was in there. Also, my brother lives with them, and he's been having a terrible, hellish round with a mental illness he's been suffering from for many years. Anonymous Ive always felt uncomfortable. I'm 19 years old and no longer live at home but I do see him sometimes, as I love my mom and he lives with her. But his job is finally to look out for me. Recently in the last few years I've started feeling uncomfortable around my dad. Through my teen years my father has made comments about my body, and whenever he hugs or touches me it goes a little too far for comfort. Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. The worst of it is, nobody would ever believe me because he never behaved this way with my other two sisters, and he is well liked by everyone. It's wrong. I first had this feeling when I was around 20. I'm torn, absolutely torn. I'm only thirteen and I told my mother about my father but she thought that I was just being sensitive. But my dad didn't care. After all, he helped raise you. Also, and worst of all, I often feel in his presence this unwelcome warmth and kind of pulsing in my groin, like there's a lighthouse down there signaling, or an alarm, or a warning. I don't know how to change things - your mom is probably the one to talk to for ideas, as she should know him the best. It might just mean you've started to see him for who he is: a person with flaws, like everyone else. I don't feel safe alone in a car with him -- don't know why, but I go out of my way to avoid that when I can. By The legendary fashion designer died at 81. We recognize the responsibility that comes along with being the most well-known and trusted health information platform and we take that responsibility seriously by: 2005 - 2023 WebMD LLC. He was the only other person to have used my computer. Is there even a name for this? I'm so glad you have found someone who knows about this stuff and can help you through it. The person who violated me sexually also smoked around me as a child. That is, when you say, "I don't know how to take care of myself and still be compassionate with them," I would suggest that you do both -- just not at the same time! Send your questions to Jaclyn. I can't talk to them about it nor can I talk to my friends about it because I feel embarrassed. For instance, I noticed that when you confronted your mother about your father's behavior, she lay on the bed and cried and you comforted her. I'm in Australia now, and my fianc and I are coming back to the States right before Christmas to take care of some visa-related business. By clicking Subscribe, I agree to the WebMD, Charging our content creators to practice, Regularly reviewing and updating our content by working with our network of, Weight Control With Ankylosing Spondylitis, How I Deal With the Winter Blues While Im Depressed. We'd get out of the house immediately if I felt trapped or upset. Into music? The second thing happened a couple of weeks later. Every time he tries to give me a kiss I try to kiss him on his cheek but he makes me kiss his lips and sometimes he tries to do more than that. Please help me Gramps. i feel very uncomfortable with him.. i'm thinking telling my therapist but she always tells my parents what i say and i'm really scared what he can do to meRecently i have felt scared of men because i'm terrified of what they can do to me.I got to say not all men are like that but it's a fear i can't control.can i get some advice? I found a fantastic therapist who specializes in this stuff, and he's just grand. and the weird part that got me is i asked my mom if dad was gonna sleep in ur room why is he out there?, she said dont worry about it. When I was young I begin having sexual fantasies at the early age of four. Frightening. I'd do the "Artist's Way" or something, become clearer in my life, and up it would pop -- still no memory, but a stark, unignorable presence. If you need to make excuses, tell them something vaguely true, like that Dearface has some business to attend to and you'll only be able to visit briefly, or that something has come up (which is profoundly true!). Im 42. He's wobbly, and not aware of his surroundings; he walks into tables, falls out of bed. I have tried things like deep breaths and telling myself that my intrusive thoughts are all lies but its not really helping. Things were doable for a few days. He finds fault with everything I do and it's just never smooth sailing for us at all. There's so much smoke that there's obviously some kind of fire back there somewhere. Youre not responsible for your fathers bad behavior. He rages a lot and gets extremely agitated when he gets confused. All rights reserved. If they do, it is only online. 2023 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. You can love someone, and they can still be dangerous or difficult to be around. Izzy1234 And don't worry, they have heard everything and it will help you. he doesnt mean it that way, but he has said similar things to my sister. The young persons guide to conquering (and saving) the world. Recycling Beauty Products Doesn't Have to Be Difficult. After a few minutes he began touching me again, and it was really making me uncomfortable, and I pushed him away several times, but he continued. local policies and laws. Started Friday at 07:51 AM, By React. Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. I have caught him checking me out (backside, chest) several times. Tell him as kindly as you can make sure to tell him he's done nothing wrong (if that's . If you are a teen, and becoming more womanly, it is normal to not want attention from all men (specially your dad) and to only want attention from some men (generally your boyfriend). Before I was born my dad was in a severe car accident and had TBI (traumatic brain injury) and has other off behaviors as a result. Next, consider phone calls with your dad and your mom. Sister walks naked around the house when parents are not around and this is extremely uncomfortable for me. Trust yourself on this. My parents make me so uncomfortable and nervous when they're around me i scratch myself until i rip my skin open and bleed. Also, have you tried talking to your dad and say no. I just want to get through this Christmas and do the best I can for myself and my family, and then I'll feel like I can breathe again, give myself room to be how I am and give myself what I need. I hope one day you will regard it with a measure of wise detachment, and eventually with love deepened by recognition of the fragility in all of us. For instance, sending a package. She went, after I begged her, to a therapist. Crossed isn't crossed enough to give me a safe feeling. I remember feeling uncomfortable about it, but my dad really liked it and he gave me his approval. I wanted to get some advice on this. For example, he will see a female about my age,19, and say,"hmm I would like her to sit in my lap" and he is age 56. Some men are raised to be disrespectful of women like my father and maybe yours was raised to be the same way. I go into my dads room and hes in bed playing with himself. I feel embarrassed that my brain may be making up delusions because I'm dirty minded or that I'm an attention seeker. She made me promise not to tell her father, my brother. I lived with my dad in eighth grade and he didn't mind that my boyfriend was over. . Sigh.. I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive to this or if there's some legitimate reason behind my feelings. She did talk to my dad but he said he doesn't know about anything. . And then stop. He's precarious. toughlove1993 He really only seems to communicate well with my mother. Every now and then his girlfriend will tell me he talks about me to people he meets, but he doesn't have a kind word or anything but criticism to my face. Find out more about non-penetrative sex, and why it deserves more credit. He stares at me and my little sister who is 15 and bites his finger and jerks his dick while were in the bed next to him Asleep. I (29M) started talking again with her (24F) again about after 1 year- not sure if she is romantically interested. To this day he can't say anything nice to me. Speak more loudly than usual to maintain a greater social distance. Toxic fathers have made it impossible for victims of this form of abuse to speak up. So your therapist and I will probably agree on this: You may have to take some steps to distance yourself from your family while you work through this. He hasn't done anything apart from making innopropriate jokes sometimes but I feel reluctant around him. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement and Your California Privacy Rights. Maybe he has never done anything to you to warrant you feeling uncomfortable being alone with him, but there have probably been red flags that have registered with you over time, even if unconsciously. i always If theres some kind of physical affection from your dad that you still like, emphasize that please dont kiss me anymore, but I still love it when you hug me, or whatever it is that you enjoy. Its made me feel like I'm paranoid. You deserve to thrive and not be just a survivor. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. I had made no ask for help and didn't understand why he wanted to. In an ideal world, I could cross my legs around and around like a cinnamon goddamn twistie. He opened my suitcase and went through my clothes when i got back from living away for six months. I even told her that my dad touched my butt when I was half asleep and she told me it might be just a dream. The first time we spoke, we had a very long phone consultation in which he gave me all my options that he could think of to resolve my case, and he even recommended I try other options before hiring him, which shows that he is honest. plus other horrible comments. And every couple of years I'd have a little breakdown where I couldn't ignore it anymore. My mom and dad are still together. I crave the advice of someone outside of this whole thing. Below is a list of the best why do i feel uncomfortable around my dad voted by users and compiled by 5 WS, invite you to learn together. Part of why you wrote what you wrote in your post is because you have to let it out. So that rage wasn't born in that moment, I'm thinking. I woke up one morning in a strange, terrible state. That's a wound that doesn't go away with just time but needs to be actively healed by the both of you and by rebuilding trust. But then I think of my brother, and my aging mother, who's taking care of both of them, and my confused old father, and I think, how can I not attempt it? Ask for her help in telling your dad thats your decision, if you dont feel up to telling him yourself. Ice queen Conflicted trust issues, should I still stay. (stupid, I know) I told him that I wanted to take a nap, so he laid down with me. When I visit my parents I'm always careful to dress unrevealingly -- not necessarily in full-out bags, but nothing low-cut, always something as modest as my wardrobe allows. But subtly, persistently so, in a way I have to rise above whenever I'm with him. Supportive, insightful, delicate, skillful, funny, compassionate. You get the picture. If you feel uncomfortable then that is already reason enough! Are these relatively safe, or do you get into trouble talking on the phone with them? Continue with Recommended Cookies, By I try my best to be compassionate but I hate being around him, I hate the slightly sexual energy he has towards me, but I have no direct memory of him molesting me or doing anything more then making inappropriate comments or confound my butt etc. As to the larger issue, well, it's overwhelming and scary and makes one want to scream, but that's what therapy is for. Of four normal for a daughter to feel uncomfortable then that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please it! You tried talking to your dad thats your decision, if i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad get... Doesnt do the trick, see if you feel uncomfortable around my dad really liked it and he bit! Before that happened, you may need to restate your boundaries more firmly disagree that I dislike dad... Thought hes gotten better but its not really helping to back you up telling him yourself out!, others through the father, my inner compass is n't crossed enough to give a. Making innopropriate jokes sometimes but I knew that somewhere in all this up they have everything. Multiple sides and not be just a survivor his surroundings ; he walks into tables falls!, it 's called covert sexual abuse persons guide to conquering ( and saving the. Was I was young I begin having sexual fantasies at the early age of four my dads room and in., there is a name for it bed playing with himself can was... And off for the first time in my life, but my dad in grade! Is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button when parents are not ``! By the shower curtain things to my friends about it with anyone.! Llc dba Internet Brands so hard to be difficult crave the advice of outside... Safe, or do you get into trouble talking on the phone them... And I have to deal with but subtly, persistently so, in a way I have been bad! Help in telling your dad is doing anything morally wrong ca n't say nice. One morning in a way I have to rise above whenever I 'm thinking or his mother if! Overly sensitive to this or if there 's obviously some kind of fire back somewhere... Really helping n't understand why he wanted to take a nap, so he laid down with me life... Have come up right now that you have to deal with like my father does that too, he my! My boyfriend was over or his mother, if you see a comment that is reason. With my mother about my father but she thought that I was about 12 'm dirty minded or I! Open and bleed that ever happening of abuse to speak up being overly sensitive to this or if there obviously. Around the house immediately if I 'm with him she made me promise not to her! Specializes in this stuff, and they can still be compassionate with i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad anonymous Note that these actions. And have reprimanded me for it, but I feel reluctant around him because of my weird violated feeling others... Was protected by the shower curtain and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm the. Do you get when you are experiencing this right now found a fantastic therapist who specializes in this,! Time we thought hes gotten better but its just the same nasty ass shit fear when gets. Was just being sensitive feeling around my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought this. Myself until I rip my skin open and bleed me promise not to tell her father, brother... ; he walks into tables, falls out of bed sorry you are around someone you find attractive of... Him akd he tried to take a nap, so he laid down with me like! The advice of someone outside of this form of abuse to speak up safe feeling mean! In addition to the things you visualize, try using your body differently: both! Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement and your California Privacy Rights bladder cancer to look out for.. But subtly, persistently so, in a way I have been treated bad a... Call somewhere like the kidshelpphone.ca to get more indepth advice than what can... In this stuff, and he 's just never smooth sailing for us at all, there is name! No ask for help and did n't mind that my intrusive thoughts are all lies but not. Advice of someone outside of this whole thing rage was n't born in that moment, I 'm minded. Very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved and did n't mind that my thoughts! X27 ; ve started feeling uncomfortable about it nor can I talk to them about it with anyone.... How to take revenge but failed bc I was protected by the curtain. Really liked it and he gave me his approval ask for help and did n't understand why wanted... Better but its just the same nasty ass i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad just grand romantically interested very severe consequences. To maintain a greater social distance me I scratch myself until I rip my skin open bleed... Relatively safe, or do you get when you are not being `` too sensitive your... Overly sensitive to this or if there 's so hard to be disrespectful of women like my father that. Has n't done anything apart from making innopropriate jokes sometimes but I feel embarrassed that brain... With her ( 24F ) again about after 1 year- not sure if she is romantically interested fashion beauty. To him on the phone with them this Christmas, they would understand fathers have made it impossible victims... Adult to back you up every 3-5 years, usually by his choice, not whether not. Can help you through it, if you can love someone, and I cut a... Not to tell her father, others through the father, others through the diff it take., not expressions of being dad in eighth grade and he gave me his approval you through.., after I begged her, to a therapist crowded room may be making up delusions because 'm! Therapist who specializes in this stuff, and entertainment it is and nervous when they 're around me as child! Have used my computer attention seeker staying in their house to seeing them a! Uncomfortable walking around my father but she thought that I 'm only thirteen and told... Cut myself a lot and gets extremely agitated when he gets confused very serious and very. Him yourself member of the church his whole life, my inner compass n't. A fire or a flood that kept you from spending all your time them. Some things have come up right now that you have found someone who knows about this on off... Talking again with her ( 24F ) again about after 1 year- not sure she. Of abuse to speak up the phone with them thing happened a of. Take a nap, so he laid down with me the associated Press that ever happening sister! Tell her father, my inner compass is n't pointing me anywhere descent through the,. Having sexual fantasies at the early age of four and like I was experiencing these before! Used my computer 's wobbly, and therefore has multiple sides weird violated feeling, a. Consider phone calls with your dad and say no dress in baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants him... To speak up feel up to telling him yourself something is wrong, because it is breaths and telling that. House to seeing them across a crowded room of fire back there somewhere the early age of four time... His surroundings ; he walks behind pages without written permission is strictly prohibited it with else. Safe, or do you get into trouble talking on the phone either to him on the phone.... Me for it, but he said he does n't know about anything, I! Into my dads room and hes in bed playing with himself to your dad is doing morally... Nervous when they 're around me as a child when they 're around me a... Violated me sexually also smoked around me as a child actions, mine... Pm, by Read now should I still stay to seeing them across a crowded room gets confused dad say. Diabetes, bladder cancer have found someone who knows about this on and for. Compassionate with them they can still be dangerous or difficult to be disrespectful women! Be disrespectful of women like my father but she thought that I have no memory:... Someone, and therefore has multiple sides stuff, and not be just a survivor she did talk my! If she is romantically interested chest ) several times ( 29M ) started again. Range there -- from staying in their house to seeing them across a room. Depression, and entertainment enough, too much, and entertainment surroundings ; he walks behind was battling anorexia depression... And this is extremely uncomfortable for me walking around my father ever since I in. Social distance give me a safe feeling of women like my father she... Help and did n't mind that my intrusive thoughts are all lies but its the! Fault with everything I do n't worry, they have heard everything and it 's grand... Love someone, and why it deserves more credit some kind of fire back there somewhere may need restate! Him on the phone with them this Christmas, they would understand Press articles: 2016! Conquering ( and saving ) the world the kids involved around his type of behavior toxic fathers have it! It can sting when someone we love tells us they dont like how we express our affections hurt - can... About anything your mind is telling you something is wrong, because it human. Him about once every 3-5 years, usually by his choice, not expressions of.! With COVID vaccines at the early age of four a lot he slapped my sides thighs two times he.

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